Becoming the Woman You Needed When You Started.
- Mandy Solar
- Nov 19, 2025
- 4 min read
This article is part of my new series, Becoming the Woman, exploring how women can grow, lead, and rise into the strongest version of themselves — especially in male-dominated industries.
When you look back at the woman you were in your early career — nervous, eager, overwhelmed, hopeful — it’s easy to feel protective of her. She tried so hard. She pushed through days she didn’t feel ready for, worked longer than she should have, kept quiet when she wanted to speak, and swallowed her fear because she thought courage meant never showing it.
She didn’t know then what you know now.
She didn’t have the confidence you’ve earned.
She didn’t have the boundaries you’ve built.
She didn’t have the voice you’ve learned to trust.
But she did have something powerful:
the seeds of who you would become.
And now, years later, you can finally see it clearly —you have become the woman she needed.
This is the heart of growth. It’s not sudden. It’s not glamorous. It doesn’t arrive with fireworks or applause. It arrives quietly, steadily, through resilience, repetition, and experience. It arrives every time you choose yourself, back yourself, and stand up for the version of you who once didn’t know how.
This blog — and this entire series — is about that transformation.
The Woman You Needed Wasn’t Perfect — She Was Present
When we imagine the woman we needed when we were younger, we often picture someone flawless. Confident. Put together. Sure of herself. But the woman you truly needed wasn’t someone perfect — she was someone present.
Someone who would say:
“You don’t have to be ready to begin.”
“You’re allowed to take up space.”
“You’re not too much.”
“You don’t need to earn rest.”
“Your voice matters, even when it shakes.”
The woman you needed wasn’t a superhero.
She was a mentor.
A safe space.An example of what courage looks like in real life.
And the most beautiful part?
That’s exactly who you’re becoming now.
You Become Her Through Experience — Especially the Hard Parts
You didn’t grow strongest in the moments when everything was going right.
You grew strongest in the moments that hurt.
The moments you doubted your own worth.
The moments you were overlooked.
The moments someone underestimated you.
The moments you were the only woman in the room.
The moments you held everything together, even while you were breaking a little inside.
These weren’t failures — they were foundations.
Growth often doesn’t feel like growth. It feels like:
discomfort
uncertainty
heartbreak
mistake-making
identity questioning
rebuilding
trying again
But every one of those moments shaped you.
Every time you kept going, even when you were unsure — you built her.
Every time you stood your ground — you built her.
Every time you refused to shrink — you built her.
Every time you learned the hard way — you built her.
You didn’t become the woman you needed despite those experiences.
You became her because of them.
The First Step in Becoming Her: Tell the Truth About Who You Are
Most women don’t need to “become” someone else — they need to return to themselves.
The strongest, most grounded version of you is not a different woman.She’s the one underneath:
the people-pleasing
the self-doubt
the conditioning
the good-girl programming
the shrinking
the silence
the fear of being too much
You don’t create her.
You uncover her.
Here’s how you begin:
1. Identify the beliefs that kept you small
Ask:
“What did I believe back then that isn’t true anymore?”
Maybe it was:
“I can’t lead.”“I’m not smart enough.”
“I’m not experienced enough.”
“I’m lucky to be here.”
“I shouldn’t ask for too much.”
Naming the old story frees you from it.
2. Decide what the woman you’re becoming believes now
Ask:“What does my strongest self know for sure?”
She knows:
She belongs in every room she enters.
She adds value in ways that can’t be measured on paper.
Her voice is needed.
She doesn’t have to apologise for having needs.
She can do hard things without losing herself.
These aren’t affirmations — they’re truths.
3. Take one action each day that aligns with her
Just one.
Send the email.
Speak in the meeting.
Say no without guilt.
Rest without permission.
Apply before you feel ready.
Identity grows through consistent alignment, not perfection.
Every time you act in alignment with the woman you want to be, you reinforce:
“This is who I am now.”
The Woman You Needed Was Brave — Not Fearless
Fearlessness is a myth.
Bravery is the real goal.
The woman you needed didn’t float through life untouched by fear.
She felt it — all of it.
But she didn’t let it shrink her.
And neither do you now.
Bravery looks like:
showing up when your voice shakes
standing tall when you want to fold
choosing yourself when you’ve spent years choosing others
trusting that you belong
letting people see the real you
taking risks that honour your future self
You don’t eliminate fear — you walk with it.
That’s leadership.
You Are Her Legacy
One of the most powerful truths women learn is this:
Your growth doesn’t just change you — it changes every woman who comes after you.
Your family see it.
Your friends see it.
Your colleagues see it.
Your trainees see it.
Your community sees it.
When you rise, you give other women — and the next generation — permission to rise too.
The woman you are becoming is someone someone else needs right now.
Your strength is teaching them strength.
Your voice is showing them what’s possible.
Your courage is creating a path they didn’t know they could walk.
Becoming the woman you needed isn’t just about healing your past.
It’s about shaping someone else’s future.
Final Thought: You Are Already Becoming Her
You don’t have to wait.
You don’t have to prove anything.
You don’t have to earn it.
You are already becoming her:
in your boundaries
in your leadership
in your resilience
in your growth
in your softness
in your strength
in your refusal to shrink
in your willingness to keep showing up
The woman you needed back then would be so proud of the woman you are now.
And this is only the beginning.
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