The Weight of Limiting Beliefs: Women Who Shrink Themselves

Mandy Solar
Nov 15, 2025
4 min read

There’s a quiet kind of strength that lives in so many women — a strength that often goes unseen, even by the woman herself. We’ve been taught to play small, to be careful not to take up too much space, to be humble to the point of invisibility. And in doing so, we carry the heavy weight of our own limiting beliefs.

For years, I underestimated myself.

Not because I lacked ability — but because I’d absorbed the idea that confidence had to look a certain way, or that leadership wasn’t my place. Especially in industries like transport and logistics, women are often the exception, not the rule. You get used to being the “only one” — the only woman in the depot, the training room, or the driver’s seat — and somewhere along the way, that becomes normal. But normal doesn’t always mean right.

I remember standing beside a truck years ago, hands shaking, thinking, “I don’t belong here.” But the moment I climbed into that cab and took action, I realised the only person truly holding me back was me. That moment didn’t make me fearless — it made me honest about how often I had been shrinking myself without even noticing.

We shrink ourselves by questioning if we’re ready, if we’re qualified, if we belong.We hesitate to speak up, even when we know the answer. We downplay our achievements so we don’t seem “too proud.” We second-guess the very instincts that make us damn good at what we do — because society told us to be modest, not bold.

The truth is, underestimation often starts within.

It’s not just others who doubt us — it’s the stories we tell ourselves. The self-talk that whispers, “you’re not there yet,” or “someone else could do it better.” But here’s the thing: you don’t grow by waiting until you’re sure. You grow by stepping into the space that scares you and discovering you were capable the whole time.

I’ve seen this shift in women I’ve trained — that moment they reverse a truck they swore they couldn’t handle, the moment they speak confidently in front of a group, the moment they trust their judgement. The look of disbelief that turns into quiet pride. It’s not about ego; it’s about finally recognising what was always there.

Myth vs Reality

Myth: You must be perfect before you try.

Reality: Growth happens mid-action, not before it. Confidence is built, not gifted.

Perfection is the biggest barrier to women stepping into roles, opportunities, and leadership. We wait until we’re polished, ready, flawless — but that moment never comes. Real confidence is born in the doing: the messy first attempts, the learning on the go, the courage to show up even when you feel unsure. Perfection isn’t the doorway to success. Action is.

Myth: Speaking up makes you difficult.

Reality: Your voice is a tool — for safety, clarity, leadership. Using it is professionalism, not attitude.

Women are often taught that being direct equals being “too much,” but speaking up isn’t confrontation — it’s contribution. In workplaces (especially transport and logistics), your voice protects safety, improves teamwork, and leads to better decisions. Your perspective isn’t a problem to manage — it’s a strength. Using your voice is not being difficult; it’s being a leader.

Myth: You’re not ready yet.

Reality: Women are often more prepared than they realise — they’ve simply been taught to over-prepare before stepping forward.

Most women don’t wait to be capable — they wait to be perfect. Meanwhile, men often step confidently into roles before fully meeting all the criteria.

A 2019 Hewlett Packard study found:Women apply only when they meet 100% of criteria. Men apply when they meet 60%.

We’re not less ready — we’re just more cautious.

A cracked mirror reflects a fragmented version of yourself — NOT who you really are, but who you think you are because of limiting beliefs. — A cracked mirror reflects a fragmented version of yourself — NOT who you really are, but who you *think* you are because of limiting beliefs.

Where This Shows Up in Real Life

You might be shrinking yourself if you’ve ever:

• Hesitated to apply for a job unless you tick every box

• Stayed quiet in meetings even when you knew the answer

• Downplayed your achievements to avoid attention

• Over-prepared in fear of “getting it wrong”

• Held back your ideas because you didn’t want to be “too much”

• Said no to opportunities you were capable of because they felt too big

Ponder for a moment: When and where have you not shown up for yourself?

What Research Tells Us

Research from the Journal of Vocational Behaviour and Lean In’s Women in the Workplace Report shows:

Women often underestimate their abilities — even when they outperform men.
Women receive less feedback, resulting in less guidance for growth.
Women are praised for being cooperative, not confident.
Women often face higher social penalties for being assertive.
Women internalise gendered expectations from childhood.

This doesn’t mean women lack capability. It means we carry inherited patterns that keep us quiet, small, safe — and invisible.

And yet, every study shows one thing clearly:

When women take up space, industries get safer, smarter and stronger.

Especially in sectors like transport and logistics.

How to Start Unlearning Your Limits

Start here:

• Catch the story — notice when you say “I’m not ready.”

• Take one small action anyway.

• Surround yourself with stretch, not shrink.

• Document your wins.

• Stop apologising for existing.

• Say yes before you feel 100% ready.

• Stop waiting for permission — you already have it.

In transport, I’ve seen women step into driver training, compliance roles, leadership, depot operations, fatigue management, Chain of Responsibility…and every single time, their presence lifts the standard.

Women bring empathy, communication, emotional intelligence, and a safety-first mindset.

We don't shrink because we lack skill.

We shrink because we’ve been conditioned to.

But the moment we stop shrinking? Everything changes.